One of my clients, a powerful, creative, beautiful, empathetic, and accomplished woman in her 40s, recently told me that she would never ever give her power away to a man. I agreed, because in my 40s, I would never again do that either.
As a coach, my job is also to help each client find internal validation. Although we all love external validation, depending on it too much doesn’t lead to lasting fulfillment. For instance, when I facilitate workshops, I sometimes get not-so-positive feedback. Yes, there is something to learn from it, but I won’t abandon workshops because last time this happened, I asked myself if I loved delivering the workshop and whether I thought I did a good job, despite it being an imperfect workshop. I got a resounding and animated yes from me.
Every woman faces a few situations in her life when she says these two words to herself: “Never again.” My first ‘Never Again’ came when I was about 15. I had a pride-crushing crush on someone in school and kept calling them daily even when they never answered the phone. I mean, we had amazing conversations for a few months, and then they stopped answering without an explanation. When I had called them about a hundred times and felt like I had given it my all to no avail, I said, “Never again,” and never called them back again.
Decades later, in my late thirties, when I dated someone briefly off of an app, I went back on my word to myself. Not to the same hundred-calls extent. But more to the tone of seven unanswered messages over four years, which is an improvement to be proud of, no doubt.
When he blocked me on all the platforms, which in my opinion is an overreaction given my record, I said those magical words again. This time, I will most probably keep my word because I intimately know the deeper layers of trauma I carry that make me susceptible to chasing people and have more effective tools than that poor 15-year-old had.
My client may or may not need to make this promise to herself a few more times. Either way, uttering these words and making a decision is growth in itself. Who better than me to know this?
