I wanted to watch Verity, a movie about a writer starring Anna Hathaway, but didn’t. Because it seemed too scary. I specifically avoid scary movies since I believe movies reprogram our minds and nervous systems, so why would I make my nervous system more scared than it already is by real life? But Verity is more appealing because it’s about a writer.
The horror movie genre is having a blast in the theaters. I’m not sure if this is because our nervous systems are in dire need of such intense jolts or if I’m just a wonderful outlier. Both are possible. Most of us are numb with notifications and the constant streaming. We are sleepwalking through life, anchoring our uncomfortable emotions in the depths of our human ocean.
Movies also remind me of men. Movies are intimate settings, whether at the cinema or rolled up on your couch. My first date with my ex-husband was a movie, although I was not quite sure whether we were dating at that time. I knew he liked me, but I wasn’t sure if friends also went to the movies without their other friends. Over time, he would learn exactly when my sensitive heart would tear up watching a movie and wipe my emerging tears away. Years after, when our marriage was going downhill, I would stop going to action movies that he preferred over my rom-coms or dramas. There would eventually be no more reserves left in my bank of scraggly sacrifices.
Then, I briefly dated another guy post-divorce, and he insisted that we should watch scary movies at his place. Things we agree to do for a chance at lasting love. During a particularly gruesome scene featuring naked old men worshipping an evil element with blood, he neatly placed his fingers horizontally in front of my eyes, not touching my eyes, though. No matter how badly our “collaboration” ended, this is still a tender moment I recall when I watch something scary. And I miss him a little.
Instead of Verity, I ended up watching Practical Magic 2, a movie about witches breaking curses. There were still some scary scenes here, especially when the villain draws an innocent girl into an abandoned castle. I looked at my watch during these scenes. Because it would be weird to cover my own eyes as an adult woman in her 40s.
