I’m friends with all my exes, but two. With one of them, I don’t want to keep in touch, and with the other, he doesn’t want to keep in touch with me.
Not keeping in touch is hard when you want to, or your trauma brain thinks you want to. For me, wanting to keep in touch with an ex who doesn’t want to keep in touch is not mostly about getting back with him because, without an upgrade, his capacity for connection doesn’t match my needs, and I’m not willing to settle. Keeping in touch is a way to make sure that I mattered to him, that our time together was genuine, that he had the right intentions for us, even if they didn’t pan out as planned.
I have a vision that I use in my meditation when I visualize not keeping in touch with the ex I want to keep in touch with. Let’s call him H. A brick wall permanently separates our paths, and I’m placing the last brick in the open space on the wall, as I see his face on the other side.
I know this sounds a little weird, but this visual really works for me. I can embrace the finality better. The finality of placing that last brick, knowing that we will never ever mesh our paths together again. Science supports this, too, because our subconscious mind works through images and symbols.
How many paths have we diverged on with past partners, friends, living locations, and so on? How many of these paths do we think of now? We rarely know when the paths start diverging, either. Is it the first brick, or the second brick, or the last brick?
The only time I knew our paths were permanently diverging was when I gave my paternal grandpa a kiss on his forehead when I went to visit him at the hospital before going to school for an exam. I don’t usually kiss him on the forehead, but something told me I should, that it was the last time I’d see him alive, and it was. He was sick and sleeping, but I’m pretty sure he felt it.
In the spirit of placing the last brick, I blocked H everywhere yesterday. Now, the work is going to be to hold that brick right there, cement it into place, wish him well, and continue on my divergent path. If he didn’t have the best intentions when we were together, then karma will take care of him as she has with me, too.
