Do you remember the first time you asked for one of your needs to be met? You might think you do this on the daily, but I’d encourage you to think more, think deeper. I grew up with preoccupied parents; most of us do. I was rarely asked what I wanted or needed, although I…
I moved to the US for my MBA at 27. It was dark, gray, and it rained all the time, like it was typical for Oregon. But I bought a red raincoat and gray rainboots, not wanting the rain to interrupt the life I was trying to build there. When I graduated and started working…
Whenever I see a happy wedding on TV, I grieve the wedding I never had because my first and only wedding (so far) was not raucously happy. There was no dancing, no elaborate toasts or customized vows, and only 24 guests. I didn’t even get to invite my boss, whose home we had both visited…
The first person I lost to death (there are many ways to lose a person) was my maternal grandpa. I was about ten and flew to Sri Lanka for the funeral with my mother. We were living in India at that time because my dad was posted there for a couple of years. After the…
Whenever I see a beautiful image of the night sky and the Milky Way, I remember that night in Utah with my ex, how we craned our necks up in the stillness of the rental car and took in all of the night sky for almost 30 minutes. At first, we tried to take some…
A few years back, on a first date, one of my exes complained about his previous relationship. “She always compared me to other guys who made more money or drove better cars.” “So, why didn’t you leave?” I asked. He had no response except for a nonchalant shrug. Recently, I read a brown woman’s therapy…
I used to have a habit of jumping into friendships without examining if there was an actual alignment of values. I mean, until about five years back, I was barely able to articulate my own values with certainty. Looking for values alignment before that was like looking for a city on the map without knowing…
I had my last coaching session with my longest standing client today. We worked together for three years, and I got to support him through both his parents’ deaths and a layoff, although for the layoff that happened towards the end of our engagement, he didn’t really need much support because he was high on…
These damn plastic produce bags They won’t ever budge open Until I stick my fingers in the ice of the broccoli And use that water to pry open A trick my ex taught me When he saw me huffing and puffing Struggling near cursing Trying to hold onto the last of my independence Now every…
I once asked a therapist friend how one should or could grieve. “Do I just sit there and think about the loss?” I wasn’t sure if this was productive. I had learned as a teenager that a wonderful way to cope with sadness and hopelessness is to do something productive. So, I had enrolled in…