In a post titled The Myth of the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on the Instagram account @thegirls.arehere, the content creator argues that there is really no crazy ex. There is only what happened before she went “crazy”, specifically, what the man in the heterosexual partnership did to provoke the craze.
I have had almost all of my exes talk about their crazy ex at the beginning of our respective relationships. One came unannounced to his place with a suitcase full of clothes after he broke up, another spun a story of her being adopted to gain his sympathy, he said, and yet another woman snubbed his car by comparing it with her affluent friend’s car.
I was complicit in all these situations. I didn’t know enough to ask, “What happened before that?” So, I didn’t. Or maybe I just needed to be the chosen one, the not crazy one, the special one. Desperate, I know.
Now, after years of working as a coach and being on my own therapy journey, I know that these are all triggered women. Triggered by the men, yes, but also triggered by wounds of their childhoods being poked by yet another man. Men carrying their own wounds, usually unaware of the jabs and scabs under their confident and sexy stubble.
With such confusing interconnectedness like that of a fully-formed spider’s web, figuring out what the very first silk thread is impossible for laymen and laywomen. But it’s clear that the woman alone is not crazy. Then, is the man too? Or should the craze be blamed on their psychological wounds or the sources of their wounds? It’s complicated, just like any of these relationships.
Anyway, I have been the triggered woman, too. But I hold out hope and dare to wonder if any of my exes will describe me as the crazy one.
And I’m fully confident that one of them will or is already doing so. I only hope the women listening are less complicit than me.
